Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
