Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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