ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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