It's Friday. Sex?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
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IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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