I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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