I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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