I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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