I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
