I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
