just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
