I wish you could order shots online.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
