I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
