There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
