I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
