She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
