So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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