Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
