I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
