i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
