erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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