I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize