Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
