did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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