I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
