I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
