somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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