she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
is wine microwaveable?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
