Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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