dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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