Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
