He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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