Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
