I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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