Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
