yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
