hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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