I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Still dying that you shit outside
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
