u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
