Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
