omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
