Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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