i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
