I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
