The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
