I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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