fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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