Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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