Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
