Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
