I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
