The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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