She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
