My girlfriend figured out who you are.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
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