Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
How does it feel to date your dad?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
