i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
