Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
