Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
