It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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