If i come over, it means nothing
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
