So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
