she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
