Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
