i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
