the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
how does that bad decision feel?
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