kristin has been a bad kristin
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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